Software central

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Here's where u guys can help each other with software advice or insight, as well as answer each others questions.

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if u are also a beatmaker, let me know what software u like the best... or any favorite plug-ins? share ur wisdom with everyone...

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what software do u use

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A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian Rugs.

Looking around, she spots the perfect rug, walks over and inspects it.

As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly.

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to see if anyone has noticed her 'little accident' and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now.

As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day Ma'am, how may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably she asks, "How much does this rug cost?"

He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna crap your pants when you hear what the price is."

[salenfl05]

Grown Ups Words

The kindergarten kids were now in the first grade. Their teacher wanted them to use more grown up words and sentences when they speak since they were no longer in kindergarten. She told them to use grown up words instead of baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer.
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The first little one said he went to see his “Nana”.
The teacher said, “No, No, you went to see your grandmother.” Use the grown up word.
The next little one said she went for a trip on a “cha-cha. ”
The teacher again said, “No, No, you went on a trip on a train.” That’s the grown up word.
Then the teacher asked the third little one what he did during the summer. He proudly stated that he read a book. The teacher asked what book he had read.
He puffed out his chest and in a very adult way replied
“Winnie the Shit.”

[salenfl05]

et a Random Joke!

A guy has a parrot that can sing and speak beautifully. He takes it to the synagogue on Rosh Hashonah and makes a wager that the bird can conduct the High Holiday service better than the temple’s cantor.

When the big moment comes, though, Designer wholesale cheap Balenciaga Handbags
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the parrot is silent. The guy is outraged. He takes the bird home and is about to kill it when the bird finally speaks:

"Schmuck! Think of the odds we’ll get on Yom Kippur!"

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"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." ....And his father sends the money. At the end of the semester, the boy has a problem.NFL Jerseys
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[salenfl05]

Insults
A collection of insults!
I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I'll think so.

Man alive! But I wish you weren't.

I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.

You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway.

You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.
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We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass.

I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.

There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.

All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that's the only way they could.

I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.

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Disneyland

A blond was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT." After thinking for a minute,authentic Washington Wizards jerseys
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he said to himself, "oh well!" and turned around and drove home. On his way home, the same blond drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS EIGHT MILES." By the time he drove eight miles, he had cleaned 43 restrooms.

[salenfl05]

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel.

One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor man takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"
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Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"