Mix Central

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Here's where u guys can help each other out with mixing and such... Any questions or suggestions... FIRE AWAY!!!

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[salenfl05]

Disneyland

A blond was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT." After thinking for a minute,authentic Washington Wizards jerseys
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he said to himself, "oh well!" and turned around and drove home. On his way home, the same blond drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS EIGHT MILES." By the time he drove eight miles, he had cleaned 43 restrooms.

[salenfl05]

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.
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Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

[salenfl05]

1981 Dorothy Shula , on the career dedication of her husband, the Miami Dolphins' coach: "I'm fairly confident that if I died tomorrow, Don would find a way to preserve me until the season was over and he had time for a nice funeral."

1976 Mike Newlin, Houston Rocket guard, after a game his team lost to the New York Nets: "We were the quintessence of athletic atrocity."

1966 Jim Camp, George Washington football coach, on why he doesn't use a lonely end: "We train by a parkway, which runs beside a river. If we had a lonely end, he either would be hit by a car or drown."
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1976 Hugh Campbell, football coach at Whitworth College in Spokane, Wash., after his team had defeated Whitman 70-30: "It wasn't as easy as you think. It's hard to stay awake that long."

[salenfl05]

No more dolls or toy soldiers or little toy drums (ahem - pardon me)
No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums
Will be under the tree, only compact disk ROMS
With the Microsoft label. So spin up your drive,
From now on Christmas runs only on Win95.

More rapid than eagles the competitors came,
And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Now, ADOBE! Now, CLARIS! Now, INTUIT! too,
Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! you are all of you through,
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It is Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist,
It's the ultimate software with a traditional twist -
Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf,
And on the package, a picture of Santa himself.

[salenfl05]

Woman in a coma
A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her private parts and notices that there is a response on the monitor when she touches her.

They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try.
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The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flatlines...no pulse...no heart rate. The nurses run into the room.

The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."

[salenfl05]

Q: What do railway lines and blondes have in common?
A: They have been laid all over the country.
( Submitted by 'V. Von Pavul' )

Q: Why did the blonde have tire marks across her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the pedestrian sign said "DON'T WALK".
( Submitted by 'CaMeRoN' )
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A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic, "It died." After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor." She says, "How often do I have to do that?"

Q: How do you keep a blonde around the house?
A: Put in a circle driveway.
( Submitted by 'Ashley' )

[salenfl05]

Deer Meal

Posted on February 10, 2008


A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison for supper. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won’t eat it if they know what it is ?C so he does not tell them.

His little girl keeps asking him, “What’s for supper?”
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“You’ll see”, says his dad.

They start eating supper and his daughter keeps asking what they’re eating.

“Ok,” says her dad, “here’s a hint, it is what your mother sometimes calls me.”

Then, the little girl is thinking for a few seconds and then she starts screaming “We’re eating a**hole!!”

[salenfl05]

Assassin Test

Posted on February 14, 2008


The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, Interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists… Two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!”
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The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”