Mix Central

[salenfl05]

David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'll endeavor at once to correct my behavior.ED Hardy Tee
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[salenfl05]

A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them all about it. After a week the private comes back all happy and relaxed. The whole company crowds around him waiting to hear of his great escapades.
"And on the third day..." he began.
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"No! no! start with the first day," Everyone yells out in chorus.

"And on the third day," the private continues "she asked me to stop so she could go to the bathroom..."

[salenfl05]

Did you hear about the Blonde who returned his tie to the shop because it was to tight for him?
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Two Blonde roommates went shopping one day. On the way, one Blonde told the other that she had forgotten to switch off the iron. The second Blonde turned to her friend and very cooly assured her that the house would not catch fire as she had left the tap running.

[salenfl05]

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom,Fendi handbag Black and red F horsehair
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Fendi handbag Classic style Designer he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."

"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday.

[salenfl05]

There is a Redneck Cop sleeping in his cruiser one night.

All of a sudden he is awakened by a loud crash.

The cop gets out of his car and walks up the road a piece when he notices a car in the ditch.

"Damn" he says, "There's a car in the ditch!"

He takes out his notebook and writes "car in D-I-T-C-H" for his report.

He walk up the raod a bit further and notices another car in the ditch.

So he writes "another car in ditch....D-I-T-C-H" for his report.

The cop decides to head back to his car to make the report when he notices a head in the middle of the boulevard.
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"Damn, somebody's head's in the middle of the boulevard!"

He gets out his notebook again and begins writing "head in middle of"

Then he thinks, boulevard? "B-O..." no, no "B-U..."

"Aww hell" he says and he kicks the head into the ditch

"D-I-T-C-H"

[salenfl05]

Jake screamed and started walking back to the locker rooms. He was pissed. He had shelled out $500 to get Bubba in this contest, and it didn't last 20 seconds. But right before he got to the door, the crowd went wild! Jake ran back to the ring to see Bubba with one foot on top of the unconscious Killer and one armed raised in the air by the referee.

Jake ran into the ring and jumped on Bubba. The crowd was out of control, and Jake and Bubba were $10,000 richer!
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Later in the locker room, Jake confessed to Bubba he didn't see what happened. Bubba said, "Well, The Killer got me in his pretzel hold and I thought all was lost. I hurt like I'd never hurt before and all I could hear was the ref slamming his hand down counting to ten. Then I looked and in front of me I saw this big, hairy sack of balls. I had nothing to lose
and figured it might even help. So I stretched a little further and bit down as hard as I could on those things."

"Jake," Bubba said. "You wouldn't believe the strength a man gets when he bites his own balls."