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[salenfl05]

Impressed, the redneck said, “Amazing!”

“And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife.”

“That’s Betty Mae! This is incredible!”

The redneck was catching on.

“Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual,” said the professor.

“You’re absolutely right! Why that’s the most fascinating thing I ever heard! I can’t wait to take that logical thinking class!”

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.
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“logical thinking class!” replied the first redneck.

“What the hell is logical thinking?” asked his friend.

“Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?” asked the first redneck.

“No,” his friend replied.

“You’re gay, ain’t ya?”

[salenfl05]

What not to say when caught drunk driving:
1) I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2) Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3) Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4) Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!!!
5) Gee, and I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
6) I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
7) Bad cop! No Donut!
8) You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
9) Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on "Cops"?
10) Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too.AC Milan Jersey
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11) I was trying to keep up with the other traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around, that's how far ahead of me they are.
12) What do you mean "Have I been drinking? You're the trained observer!

[salenfl05]

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.

Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing,stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
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The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection,dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

[salenfl05]

A lady was in the delivery room starting to deliver her baby. As the head came out it was dark and had an afro. The doctor said, "Madam, have you ever slept with a black man?"

"Well, yes, but only once."
"Once is all it takes" he replied.
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Then the torso came out and it was yellow.
"Madam, have you ever slept with an oriental man?"
"Well, yes" she said, "but only once."

"Once is all it takes," he said.
When the legs came out they were red. The doctor asked her if she had ever slept with an Indian.
"Well, yes" she said, "but only once."
"Once is all it takes," he said.

He finally pulled the baby all the way out and held it upside down and slapped its bottom to make it cry. As it started to cry the woman exclaimed "Oh, thank God, at least it doesn't bark!"

[salenfl05]

Mickey goes to the judge after speaking to him before about getting a divorce with Minney. The judge says "I'm sorry Mickey but I couldn't find grounds for divorce for being insane. Mickey looks stunned and says "I didn't say she was insane I said she was fuc**** Goofy

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Q: What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs?
A: A clit round the ear and a flap across the face


Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your granny, It feels great but for christs sake don't look down.